This change made us start to think about what we want for Leonard. Especially, most books said that in 12-14 months, parents can start to teach children "manners". We are teaching him whenever we can, however, we are still worried if he gets along with his friends well.
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| I actually feel Leonard is a bit like Annie in this picture... |
Both M and I have inward personality. To me, this is simply who I am. To M, he felt he is defective in some way. The truth is we received our childhood education in Taiwan and this was how we developed our social cognition. Taiwanese preferred their kids "do as they told". I have lucky Annie who is always very open to us. However, the education system was so sick that I rarely want to mention it. For example, all my six years in elementary school, we were punished/spanked if forgetting to place textbooks on the left and notepads on the right of our drawer. As a grown-up I can now argue this is not the best system to organize my drawer, but back then I just followed the rule. In short, we grew up withholding our opinions. When I moved to the US, I got this comment so many times: you are so shy... Although it usually came with a smile, I knew it was never a compliment. Personally, I believe that is the reason why there are a lot of 1st generation Taiwanese immigrants become outstanding doctors, engineers, lawyers, or accountants-- but only few of them succeed in the field of art or music which required them to confidently express themselves even break the rule. Although I do not believe there was better or best personality, been considered shy makes us less competitive in some way. After all, decision was made by those who speaks.
When I think about what I want for Leonard, the everything I want for him is to be able to freely express himself. Recently, when I dropped off Leonard in his classroom, he always seems upset and fuzzy. When other kids are at the same table, he looks around uncertainly and refuses to eat. When there are other parents at the room chatting, he even looks scared. His teachers assure me he will get there but I cannot stop wondering if this is because he IS shy.
During Leonard's 1st year check-up with his doctor, we talked about if Leonard is possibly in the spectrum of Asperger. The doctor told me Leonard is probably not as he is very engaged during every visit, and even Leonard is, he is non-clinical. And this makes me wonder what should we do to best teach him. We want him to develop social skill but we don't want to force him as this would most likely make him lost his confidence. We want him to learn the value of hardworking and develop his potential, but we do not want to force him on a subject. We want him to grow strong faith, but we don't want to force him as this is not true belief... While I have so much compliant about Taiwan's education system, I always wonder what makes the difference between been forced and be diligent. Taking piano as an example: many of my friends learned piano when they were young yet most of them gave up. It takes probably good 5 years of practice to make playing piano a joyful hobby and it takes longer for someone to appreciate the skill and touch the soul of music. Most of my friends gave up within the first 3 years. Is it true only a few of us have that talent? Or we just never work hard enough to develop our potential?
It is until now I finally realize I cannot ask my child to do things I myself was not doing, or vise versa-- I cannot ask him not to do things I was doing. I was so sick of the education system in Taiwan because I rarely see a teacher practice the same discipline daily yet they asked students to obey rules they never be able to follow.
As Christians, If we did not show Leonard how we walk our journey with faith, even we go to church every Sunday, Leonard would not grow up to be a Christian. If we did not work hard to achieve the goal, he might have all the talent but would never learn the necessary of hardworking.
So, if both of us do act shyly, Leonard probably does not know how to act proactively even we intentionally ask him to.
If he inherited the inward personality from us, it would be even bigger struggle to him as he would only learn not to agree with his personality yet did not have a role model to learn from. We read an article and decide to start our Do and Don't list to improve ourselves. We list ten little things we want him to be doing in the future and start to do them ourselves. For those who were not so shy, this is a ridiculous list... but for us, every thing has a beginning and this is how we plan to start with:
1. Say Hello/Goodbye first when seeing someone we (maybe) know
2. Initiate a phone conversation
3. Ask help from grocery store clerks (M is good at this, me... not so much...)
4. Say a prayer when there was a request for volunteering
5. Ask questions in public when we are the person of interests
6. Volunteer in church
I hope this list would grow as we all grow together.
And I realize if I want my child growing up to be a good person, I have to become a better person myself.
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